Addendum

PEA: I am excited about the new fish; don't get me wrong. I just don't want to get attached, because I'm still sad.

BOY: Oh, yes, about the snails.

PEA: Snails? Don't you mean the hermit crab?

BOY: (silence; trapped and guilty look)

PEA: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SNAILS?

BOY: Well, two of them died.

PEA: (deep breath) Aha. I suppose that was the same day you told me I should probably stop counting the snails every morning?

BOY: (searching for words)

The Circle of Life

BOY: (from living room, looking into fish tank) Honey, I don't see it.

PEA: (from bedroom, sobbing into pillow) ON THE SAND! RIGHT THERE IN THE MIDDLE!

BOY: Oh...yeah. Hold on (rustling around in drawer for net).

PEA: (sobbing and sobbing)

BOY: Yes, I think you're right. This hermit crab is dead.

PEA: (lifting head from pillow) I TOLD YOU SO! WE KILLED HIM!!!!! (sobbing)

BOY: (coming into bedroom) Honey, I think he probably just had a bad moult. That happens to these guys sometimes.

PEA: HE DIED ALL ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SAND! We couldn't help him. We did something wrong. He came out of his shell and had nowhere to go and HE DIED!!!!

BOY: Honey, it's just a hermit crab. Sometimes they die.

PEA: It's (sob) not (sob) FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate the fish tank! I never want to look at the fish tank again! Don't make me ever look at it again!

BOY: Do you want me to get rid of the fish tank? This kind of thing will happen, and I don't want it to be hard for you. I know someone I could give it to; just say the word, and we don't have to have it anymore.

PEA: (gulp/sob) YES! Also, the dog. We have to give away the dog too! This is too hard! What if something happened to the dog? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (sobbing and sobbing).

BOY: (sighing) Maybe we talk about this again tomorrow, OK?

Dear Britney: This is how I'll remember you...

Because It's *That* Day

Dearest P,
I'm not sure that there's anything else that could make me feel better about my place in the world than this video:



Sit back with a box of kleenex and just let it out.
Happy "We Haven't Learned a Fucking Thing" Day!
Love,
P-Fury

What Shall the Bride Wear?

A veil:

A gown:

Jewelry:
And shoes (in case of rain or peeing of britches):

I don't know why this is the best thing ever (but probably only for the next five minutes)

Licensed

Dearest Pea,


Today, boy and I took an important step on the way to an important step. Here are a few highlights.


Instructions, carefully researched by diligent boy:

(if this isn't funny to you, please digress for a moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA)


Making a wish at the fountain outside city hall (here's a hint; we wished for a lifetime of happiness...and cookies):




Apparently, you have to pay money to get a marriage license (look at how boy wields it so well):



Welcome to RM 262, the place where the magic happens! Yes, RM 262, combining all the romance of the DMV with the intimacy of a metal detector search.


Here are some snippets of my favorite conversations to happen in RM 262:

ME: I just farted.
BOY: Oh man, I farted the whole way here, and my farts are smelling like DEAD people.

AND

ME: Should I change my name?
BOY: Honey, whatever you want to do is fine with me.
(later)
ME: That just felt like the right thing to do. All of my piercings have been impulse decisions too, and I have no regrets.
BOY: (laughing and laughing and laughing) I love you.

AND

ME: Um, so, is that it? Are we done?
DISAFFECTED CITY EMPLOYEE: (rolling eyes) Step around to the cashier.


It's official!



Well...official enough for tax and health insurance purposes. All that's left now is for my Pea to come officiate over the big fancy party with cupcakes and everything. Stay tuned!

Love and miss you always,

P-