an actual clinical note I just wrote

J. was brought to staff by his mother who reported that J. was having trouble listening to her requests at dinner. J. refused to "use his word"s and, instead, cried and kicked at his mother. Staff asked J. to sit in the "time out chair," which he did. J. did not sit quietly as asked, but instead forced himself into coughing fits, which led to gagging fits, and eventually he dry heaved. J. was noticeably quieter when staff ignored him. He eventually was calm enough to be returned to his mother.

What I neglected to say is that this charming youngster managed to push every single button I have in the brief time we spent together. What I learned from this interaction: when a kid combines screaming with fake whooping cough, with forced gagging, and with (obviously, forced) dry-heaving, I will come unhinged.

hypothesis:

One might feel weird of one works in an office in which there is a cabinet full of pregnancy and drug tests. And tiny candy bars.

what to do if you feel weird

1. Call husband up.
2. Say, "I feel weird. Why do you think I feel weird?"
3. Get crabby when he doesn't know.
4. Go to work.
5. Sneak a pregnancy test from the closet.
6. Stash it in your purse.
7. Go to bathroom.
8. Wonder the the hell you're going to pee in.
9. Pee in the plastic/foil envlope the test comes in.
10. Do test.
11. Notice that it's negative.
12. Make note that you don't feel weird because you're pregnant.
13. Eat 3 little candy bars.
14. Ask co-worker why she thinks you feel weird.

Wishing it weren't so hilarious

http://www.kpho.com/news/14227870/detail.html


Sad. But try not to at least giggle.

P-

pliable young minds

At least I'm at a point in my life where I can laugh my ass off when one of my students turns this paper in:
(it's a response to an article that reveals studies that show that men also have hormonal changes during their partner's pregnancy)

Men are truly trapped in a web of women’s psychological and physical needs such that it destroys the male role which is constantly under attack.
I came from a family deeply rooted in the idea that women do women things because that is their calling or role, to be a woman. Similarly men do man things also according to their gender. Those relationships I’ve noticed in my family are interesting to watch because if the roles change families get screwed up. Not just during pregnancy but through out a marriage and their whole lives. For example my mom makes every Sunday the best dinner that a human woman can possibly make and my dad does everything not to get in the way. He watches football and sleeps the day away until, the dinner bell rings he is ready to pounce and eat. I couldn’t imagine if my dad who has never made a meal in his whole life decided one day to make a meal. The world would for sure rotate differently. The U.S. would be hailed as geniuses forever because of the curing fumes to the ozone layer. It just won’t ever happen. It’s not my dad’s nature. What I am saying is that if he did try it just wouldn’t work. I’ve never seen my dad during the birth of his children since I am the youngest but I know that my dad knows when he needs to help and when he should just relax.
Men do things according to their role and that’s how it should be. I’m not saying that men should not help with birth or with the needs of his wife and family but there needs to be some loosening up on what the man is not doing and more on what he can be doing.
When I hear that men are sick or are feeling similar to what women are feeling I immediately think that the woman is overpowering her role as a woman and attacking the male psychological views. I agree with Stretch Marks for Dad that men can get sick from the pregnancy but it is due to the woman snaring him with her own pain and mental situation that it literally makes him sick too. I think that men can only do so much in a pregnancy. He should love her for her sacrifice and praise her. However, he should not fall into the same emotional pit of child birth. He should be the man and lift the wife with encouragement, service and love during times of stress.

Enjoy! Love, P.

the risks of having a very dangerous killer pitbull, who is also bloodthirsty and means business

Dear P,

Recently, TD was the gracious (as you can imagine) recipient of a piece of information that, had we not known it, could have led to disaster. A neighbor was just minding her own business when she happened upon WHOOBIE standing on the sidewalk. As you know, Whoobie is a threatening creature (especially when she stands and stares) and this woman had the presence of mind to remind TD that dogs, especially dogs like her are at risk for the following:

From Salt Lake City Ordinances:

6.04.350 Fierce or dangerous dogs--Destruction.
It shall be the duty of all animal control officers and peace officers of the city to kill and destroy, or cause to be killed and destroyed, any dog, whether registered or not, found running at large at any time within the limits of the city off the premises of the owner or keeper, when, in the judgment of such officer, it is necessary to kill such dog in order to maintain or to protect the health, safety, peace of property or the inhabitants of the city. (Ord. 4-81 (part), 1981: prior code §4-19)

If you see this dog, stay away. She is a soulless demon-dog:

Just a public safety alert.

Love,

p.

The blog is a 16 year old girl...

...who tries on outfit after outfit, most of which end up on the floor. What will she put on next?