I needed dog food anyway. So why let the madness go on any longer? The pregnancy tests are, of course, right at the front of the pharmacy in a big glass case with all the other dirty pharmacy products. The cabinet wasn't locked, but it made a big ol' screeching sound when I opened it as an entire row of people watched me from two feet away. Hi everyone, I'm here because some sperm may have squirmed up my vagina into my uterus. That's right, I had the sex. More than once.
I'm not pregnant. Why am I disappointed? Why did I wait and wait for the plus sign? (with piss all over my hand, obviously) Now I can go study, drink margaritas, smoke cigars, fall down stairs, eat lunch meat, take lots of meds, and live my life.
Crisis averted. Neurosis: still here.
love your barren friend,
p
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7 comments:
At precisely 8:33 PM, that cracking sound you heard was my heart breaking a little.
And yet... let's get wasted. Ok?
two words: False negative
Go buy more tests at the dollar store...keep testing until you get your period. And for the love of Pete, use early morning pee...
S, are you serious? No, I don't want to think about this again. Really, how common are false negatives? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Dearest Pea,
I want to be there and drinking watered down, low proof beer!
A pouting pea
P.S. we're supposed to have babies at the exact same time, duh, and then pretend they're twins and dress them in matching outfits. Stick with the program, silly pea!
DUDE,
There is no deviation from The Plan! There are NO BABIES happening. NO buns in the oven, etc. Good lord!
xoxoox
p
Very effing serious, until you see red, if you think your preggers act like it. Dollar store tests are pretty good, but they are really meant to be used once you have already MISSED your period. Even then, it can take two weeks to get a postive. If your really worried call your Dr and try and talk them into giving you a Beta blood test, that can tell you for sure.
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