Saturday, January 20, 2007


My pea who I miss so much,

Powered by the infinite wisdom of local news producers, a tonight's-top-story promo came on during some crappy show I was watching. (No, it was during the Scrubs musical; that wasn't crappy, it was pretty fucking adorable) The promo? VOMIT VIRUS HITS THE STATE HARD! WHAT IT IS AND HOW YOU CAN AVOID CATCHING IT!

p.s. Remember my vomiting phobia? I thought it was gone.

I know that I was not the only one who immediately jumped up from the couch and googled "vomit virus," knowing that this had to now be a catch phrase used over all the local news outlets. And lo and behold, not one, but TWO vomit viruses! I'm pretty sure that you already know that I then showered in bleach, sprayed the keyboard with Lysol, and spent the rest of the night reading up on rotavirus and Norwalk virus. Do not come visit me; according to the news, if you are breathing and in this state, you will be wracked with violent upchucking and explosive diarrhea. For weeks.

So if you're missing me, at least you know what I can't stop thinking about.


p.s. to channel 5: Don't try to sell a story with a term as ridiculously unprofessional as Vomit Virus. Seriously, we're generally not the brightest viewers, but we can handle the medical terms. If you're going to go the route you did, make it good: Tonight's Forecast: Snow Showers and Blowing Chunks! In the meantime, tell us the goddamn name of the scariest-disease-to-hit-the-state so we don't have to have Vomit Virus in our Google history.

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