Thursday, March 1, 2007

moderately disabled

Dear Pea with an immune system,
Today was the 187th sick day I've had since November. I have many theories about why I am always sick. They're fascinating and I'm hoping to sell the book and movie rights soon. I just want you to know how complicated it is to be me and sick. There are things I can do and things that are out of the question. Let's review today:

I could: drive around with the neighbor for an hour looking for her lost dog. (dog found!)
I couldn't: drive three blocks to get some cough drops. The very patient Boy did it.
I could: go out to lunch with a pal
I couldn't: go to the grocery store to get ingredients for Boy to make soup
I could: watch Oprah
I couldn't: read about Emblem books
I could: vacuum
I couldn't: do dishes
I could: spend 20 minutes picking out what jewelry to wear to lunch
I couldn't: shower

Do you SEE how complicated this is? My body, it's a maze of riddles. A mystery of enigmas. Make it better! I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate this motherfucking neverending cold. I'm off to drill a hole in my sinuses.

your immune system-free pea

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