My sweetest of Peas!
My heart is with you on this subject. Please don't take diet pills. Or get tucked or snipped or anything else. You are perfect and flawless as you are. I know this is an obnoxious mom-ish kind of thing to say, and I have also found it infuriating when my mom says it to me, but it is true.
Problem is, that doesn't solve the problem. My therapist and I were talking yesterday about this very issue. I talked about the good days: eating well and exercising and feeling great. I talked about the bad days: marathon eating from start to finish. Then, I talked about the worst days: starting out well with grapefruit and scrambled egg whites in the morning; moving to a healthy salad and soup for lunch; and then dissolving into desperation with a too-large greasy dinner and intermittent snacking right until bedtime. Her question was simple: "Do you know how to eat?" I was startled and a little offended. Yes, from the high chair and "here comes the airplane," I have indeed evolved into an adult human who can use her opposable thumbs to pick up a fork, thanks. Yes, I understand about food groups and three meals a day, as I am not a complete fucking imbecile. The more I thought about it, however, the more I realized that she is right; at a very basic level, I don't know how to put together a day's worth of meals, or to plan in advance to do this every day for an entire week, or to develop a practice that allows me to do this sanely for the rest of my life. She gave me the number for a nutritionist. I'm hoping she can provide me with a plan of attack. When I get up in the morning, what do I do? What do I prepare, and how much? What do I do after that? And after that?
I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, try snacking on raw sugar snap peas. I ate a whole bunch for lunch yesterday, and with every sweet bite I thought of you.
All my love,
P.S. I added a new fave blog to our links; check it out. Pretty scary shit.