Saturday, January 6, 2007

12 Steps/Napping Rehab?

Dear cozy pea,

Waking and dozing and waking and dozing in an RV is a fine way to start the day. A fine way to conclude an afternoon? Sacking out on the futon with a dog and a little snow coming down outside.

Would that this weekend behavior be allowable in my world! Somewhere between the manic/psychotic year or two in mid-grad school and now (husband aboard, gray hairs squawking away) I came down with the sleeping sickness which has as a sub-diagnosis: the tv sickness. Seriously no amount of meds and/or coffee has cured me. I can't sleep enough. Everything else can wait (including a shitload of serious academic work). I thought I'd die yesterday if I didn't nap through part of Little Miss Sunshine. Fortunately, I woke for the talent competition scene with Greg Kinnear heroically shaking his booty for love of his child. What a message; remind me that maybe the way to save my future children from their mother's neuroses is some serious rump-shaking. If I can get off the couch.

It comes down to this: most people don't have the time to nap. How the hell do I get to be so indulgent (right. it's the schedule based on self-motivation. got it.)? And really, as I've said in the past many times, there are very few real jobs that would work for me and my napping schedule, and that ain't a joke. I've tried to pathologize this need to no avail. Last year, after a million tests and questionnaires to clear up my sleepiness and pain, I was told I'm depressed (still. again. forever and ever, amen.) DUH! But for the love of all things alert and functioning, couldn't there be something else outside of depression? And so the good doctor upped the dose of my SSRI and here I am, still napping and now taking a multiple reuptake inhibitor. Yawn. The story of my life (and of 50% of the people I know) = doc gives new meds, says come back in 6 months, wonders why things aren't working, ups dose, says come back in 6 months, start over.

All of this is to say that I have decided to embrace my nappiness this fine new year. And also I want to remind you of napping in that giant bed with softy pillows and cool comforter where we napped away for days and days while NYC barked outside the window. Mornings of coffee and walking and talking followed by afternoons snoozing in the hot breath of summer. Let's find some cute dresses and try again this summer.

your snuggle-bunny

No comments: