Wednesday, January 31, 2007

don't have a heart attack; it's just a question.

Today instead of just hopping right on the study bus, I've found a new and significantly more neurotic distraction. Today is about wondering if I'm pregnant. (before I continue, the actual worry level hasn't driven me to the drugstore. It's almost worrying about worrying) Consequently, there are so many things to consider: should I stop taking my meds immediately so the baby doesn't have 5 heads? What will he say? Do I have to stop drinking coffee? I should go to the gym STAT so that when I start showing, people will know it's a baby and not rolls of fat. Will our marriage cave under the pressure of a pregnancy? I do know a few people who were "safe" and got preggers very fast. Is this a sign? If so, what kind of sign? Seriously, why does my left boob hurt? Could we ever keep a house clean enough for a baby? How the fuck would we get a house, anyway? Thank god we have our health insurance now. Etc.

I think I'm going a little crazy. Am I?
You are so qualified to answer this question. Have you ever done this (or anything like it?)

loving you, but testing positive for crazy,
your NOT PREGNANT pea.

p.s. It should be noted that in the last few weeks, I've been inundated with pregnancies and babies. Wherever I look or go, there are a million little babies and someone's pregnant. I think it's almost like my fear of contagious diseases.

p.p.s. Just took some klonopin which the doctor assures me is just for these moments. I'll be good in twenty minutes.

p.p.p.s. I miss you so much.

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