time for another self-indulgent crazy post! i know that i'm nuts, but when i woke up in the middle of the night with a grand idea for how to redeem myself to others who have to play that game with me, i think i reached new crazy heights. here's the problem (just one of many, of course): April 27 is coming up fast and as it does, i simultaneously get completely panicked (random sweating, heart-racing, shaking, etc.) and paralyzed (numb arms, the ability and urge to fall asleep anywhere, anytime). this wackiness leave me little time for studying and even less time for being an even semi-decent friend, which makes me crazier because now i'm convinced that everyone i love thinks i'm a complete tool. here was the idea: send an e-mail to all of my friends and family explaining all this to them. sort of an "i'm sorry i'm an ass, it's all the exams' fault, etc.) until i realized how COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS that would be. for one thing, if you want to show that you're not completely self-involved, you don't send an e-mail to explain that you're really not. especially an e-mail that gets sent to a large group of people. "dear fans, i'm sorry i'm not available to sign autographs this week, but..."
i think the best idea is to remain in my self-imposed seclusion until this business is over and then i focus on my friends without talking exclusively about all the nuances of my feelings about my future and how my dissertation is going to work, etc.
also, fucking itunes will not let me make an istore account. fuckers. and there's no way i'm calling customer service. so i guess that Nelly Furtado single i want will just have to fester away somewhere else.
i love you. i know that you are patient with me and for that, i'm extremely thankful...
falling apart and taping myself back together on an hourly basis,