McSweeney's is only a little funnier than me.

from internet tendencies:

No. 86:Novelty Items—Some Novelty ItemsThat Never Caught On.
by Eric Hoffman and Gary Rudoren
- - - -
Itchy milk
Exploding eye patch
Shit gum
Gassy nun's habit
"You're Dead, Cocksucker" inscribed pencils
Tiddly-cancer
Syphilis ink pen
Dirt-in-a-bottle
"Stinky" drink coasters
Placebo suntan lotion
"Squirting" glass eye
Hobo negligee
Leaky-mercury anal thermometer
Farting brick
Measles underwear
Asbestos wig
Bendy turd
Mosquito-on-a-stick
Weewee toothpicks
Bouncing ice cubes
Indestructible ice cream
Pills that make you vomit boxing gloves
Prancing foot-odor mustache
Lice beer
Faux insulin
Jumbo eyelash
"My Other Car Has Cancer" bumper sticker
Poo-poo eye drops
Sexy edible shoe insoles
Shrinky toilet paper
Invisible-ink "Missing Child" poster
President Anne Frank dollar bill
Halitosis adult board game
Vomit bikini
"Keep On Truckin'" inscribed on the head of a pin
Glow-in-the-dark elephantiasis glitter
"World's Greatest Grampa" coffin comforter
Pet fingernail

think of the lists we could make if we put our minds to it...
love you and miss you,
p