how to make your state look really bad

Really suck at the State Egg Display at the White House.

how to read 3.4 books a day until 4/27

1. Erase every single saved internet link except to Sarah's blog, Mindy's blog, and Cheetos w/ Chops.

Happy Passover!

May your life be free of the ten plagues!

love and sweet sugary goodness,
P (eep!)

how to write a brilliant poem

1. be William Carlos Williams

2. write The Red Wheelbarrow

The Red Wheelbarrow

So much depends

upon

a red wheel

barrow

glazed with rain

water

beside the white

chickens.

enjoy brilliance.

love you,

p

how not to write an e-mail

"WE HAVE HAD SEVERAL INCIDENTS OF LATE TIME ENTRY. We will be doing corrective actions on these. Let me remind all of you one more time – IF YOU HAVE A NOTE GO OVER 30 DAYS VMH DOES NOT GET PAID AND SUPERVISORS ARE REQUIRED TO DO CORRECTIVE ACTIONS – NO EXCUSES BECAUSE YOU HAVE 30 DAYS TO GET IT DONE! ALSO IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A GOAL IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TALK WITH THE THERAPIST AND ASK FOR ONE – IF THEY DO NOT RESPOND PLEASE TALK WITH THEIR SUPERVISOR. A COMMON MISTAKE IS THERE MAY BE A GOAL BUT NOT THE CORRECT METHOD FOR THE SERVICE YOU PROVIDED. IF THIS IS THE CASE MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND YOU CAN ADD THE METHOD YOURSELF THE THERAPIST DOES NOT NEED TO DO THIS!!!"

(cowering in corner) please don't yell at me! i just peed my pants.

DEAR (supervisor), YOU NEED E-MAIL ETIQUETTE SCOOL. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YOU'RE A LICENSED THERAPIST! CAN'T YOU THINK OF A MORE CONSTRUCTIVE WAY TO SAY, "write your notes, please. It's very important for funding. Also, I'm afraid that because there have been some infractions (NOT ME!) there will be consequences if this doesn't happen. Please contact me if you need help" THAT'S ALL IT TAKES, DOUCHEBAGUETTE!
LOVE,
P.

So, can I open an e-mail etiquette business?

Burning with righteous indignation (and love for you),
your next-to-perfect p.

Work Wanted

Wanted: position as a "store cat" or "store dog". Very good at napping in corners. Skilled at seeking attention from strangers. Experience with looking adorable and providing a "homey" atmosphere. Must be willing to overlook that I'm a human. I promise that I'll make it worth your while.

crazy as a shithouse rat

p,
time for another self-indulgent crazy post! i know that i'm nuts, but when i woke up in the middle of the night with a grand idea for how to redeem myself to others who have to play that game with me, i think i reached new crazy heights. here's the problem (just one of many, of course): April 27 is coming up fast and as it does, i simultaneously get completely panicked (random sweating, heart-racing, shaking, etc.) and paralyzed (numb arms, the ability and urge to fall asleep anywhere, anytime). this wackiness leave me little time for studying and even less time for being an even semi-decent friend, which makes me crazier because now i'm convinced that everyone i love thinks i'm a complete tool. here was the idea: send an e-mail to all of my friends and family explaining all this to them. sort of an "i'm sorry i'm an ass, it's all the exams' fault, etc.) until i realized how COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS that would be. for one thing, if you want to show that you're not completely self-involved, you don't send an e-mail to explain that you're really not. especially an e-mail that gets sent to a large group of people. "dear fans, i'm sorry i'm not available to sign autographs this week, but..."

i think the best idea is to remain in my self-imposed seclusion until this business is over and then i focus on my friends without talking exclusively about all the nuances of my feelings about my future and how my dissertation is going to work, etc.

also, fucking itunes will not let me make an istore account. fuckers. and there's no way i'm calling customer service. so i guess that Nelly Furtado single i want will just have to fester away somewhere else.

i love you. i know that you are patient with me and for that, i'm extremely thankful...
falling apart and taping myself back together on an hourly basis,
p